We’ve all heard it, our friend has been dating someone casually for a bit and he stops by to say “I’m going to initiate the DTR tonight. We’ve got to decide what we are to each other.” The talk. The DTR. You know the one; the conversation where a couple Defines The Relationship. They sit down, he says “I like you, we should make this exclusive.” Then she replies, “I’m all in!” or if he didn’t read her well, “I’m not ready for that yet.”
The Preacher Girls had several DTR conversations over our first year of friendship. At first it started with creating a secret Facebook Group and deciding to keep what was shared on the page confidential. What we learned through the early months was how each of us perceived the group. It was brought up at one point about adding other members and I (Korista) was not comfortable with that. In my mind, we were complete. We had shared history, shared ministry experience and had been building trust; to bring someone into our fellowship would change the dynamic of our group. We spoke openly about this. I had to bring my presumptions to the conversation. I had to be humble in knowing I may be out voted in this decision, but with that specific choice we decided if one member was not cool with it then we could not move forward.
We kept having DTR conversations and we continue to have them. As we have changed and grown we have to continually commit to what we want in this cohort and what we expect. Expectations unshared can and will ruin any trust you have built. We are not a social club, we have fun together, we love each other, we laugh together and we have a shared purpose to grow our ministry, our leadership abilities and our faith.
So what advice would we give you and your future cohort members here it is:
Define the Relationship Early and Often
Are we exclusive?
What is your definition of confidential?
-Are we open to discussing things with our husbands? Other ministers? How does each member define
confidential and how do we uphold this?
What have I assumed to be true of this cohort?
-Are we a closed group?
-Are we open for new members?
-Do we want to tell others about our friendships?
As you start this Cohort Journey together know that honesty and humility will go a long way! The Preacher Girls are cheering for you!